Lele is gone. After accompanying his former owner for a year and us for another year, he finally left. And he did not leave peacefully. This makes me feel very guilty. I don’t know how to describe my feelings. When I got the news that he left, I hung up the phone pretending to be calm.
I told the news that Lele had left an older sister who I had never met but also loved dogs. While comforting me, the older sister said: I thought you would take these things lightly. At that moment, I was a little dazed.
Thirty years of life is already half of a person’s life. I have experienced great sorrows and joys, and the departure of my loved ones. My grandmother who raised me since I was a child, she left when I was nine years old and in the third grade of elementary school. That was the first time I experienced the real departure of someone around me, and I was dumbfounded at the time. I didn’t cry. My parents were worried that I would be hit too hard, but I knew it in my heart, but I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that my grandmother who loved me since I was a child would die one day and leave me forever. I always feel that one day when I go home, my grandma will hobble on her little feet and make delicious food for me.
Everyone in my family likes dogs, so we have kept dogs since we were young, but only one of them died a happy death. Too many people left, and I either cried or became numb.
During the day, I still received a friend calmly, chatted with them as if nothing had happened, and made some tasteless jokes. Late at night, I couldn’t fall asleep. Beike lay at my feet and snored sweetly, and Doubao curled up into a ball.
I asked Liuliu on WeChat, “Lele is gone, did you know?” Liuliu took a long time to reply to me and said that he would never keep a dog again. My heart tightened and I didn’t know how to tell him. I wanted to tell him that life is so fragile and illogical. One day everyone will leave, and you will be left to walk the rest of the way silently. Your father will leave, your mother will leave, and of course I will leave too. In order not to be so sad, I even wanted to make a joke with him: Since Xiaoseng is the youngest among the three, Xiaoseng should be the last to leave. However, I said nothing in the end.
The computer was turned on, and the desktop was blank. I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly, I felt that I should record something. For Lele, and more for myself.
Suddenly I didn’t want to say anything more. Let’s just end it, just like some lives that come to an abrupt end without any signs…
Lele, please continue your head tilting in heaven, and make the Buddha and other Buddhas fall in love with you…
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